4 Ways to overcome rejection
I can’t tell ya’ll how many rejection emails I have in my inbox at the moment; but its a whole lot. No after no, after no. They usually starts like this, “Thank you so much for your submission, unfortunately your work was not among those selected…” crushing!!! I use to delete them emails faster than I could read them. Whether it’s from a jobs, exhibitions, grant submission etc. rejection sucks and it hurts, but it’s life. Here are three tips to help you face rejection and overcome it.
Acknowledge and Accept It
For years I kept no record of rejection. I deleted emails, phone numbers, letters etc. If I erased it, it never happened; or so I liked to believe. Those emails were just reminders of not being good enough, and I didn’t need that negative energy in my life. The shame and embarrassment of slammed doors and missed opportunities began to mess with my confidence. To guard my esteem, I kept only the emails that began with “approved”, “congrats”, or “welcome”. I now felt good checking my email everyday. Thinking I shielded myself from negativity; I marched on, believing a lie.
There’s this thing about lies that we forget though; their short lived. They never last, let alone prevail. You can’t overcome rejection without first acknowledging and accepting it. You don’t have to accept it as final, but accept that it happened. When we dismiss rejection, we become the road block in our journey. It’ll leave us stuck every time, but the rock solid ‘truth’ will always find its way.
Don’t take it personal
This may be the most important of all the tips; because this is where many of us get tripped. Whatever you do, don’t take rejection personal; because it’s not. Rejection is not about you. Looking back on it; this was the tip I struggled with the most. My perspective on the arts was a little skewed. I saw my work as myself; if you reject my work, you reject me. I use to say things like “I am my art…my work is me.” In my mind we were equals, my art was equivalent to me and that’s laughable now. Today I’d say yes, my work is an extension of me, but as the artist I can never be an extension of it...and it can never be me. Can a child ever be the mother’s equal? Can the child ever be the mother of the mother?
Though you love it, and its your passion; art is business. Decisions made in the art world; like any other profession, are business decisions. Im not trying to minimize the sting of rejection it’s just important that we understand, ‘you are not the work you create.’ Don’t measure yourself by what you can produce with your hands, rather who are at heart. Galleries know what they’re looking for beforehand; and it’s probably not your face. Why you think they don’t ask for profile pics when submitting artwork? It ain’t about you (yes I mean “ain’t”). I know its especially hard for creatives to separate themselves from what they do because most of our works stem from personal origins; but the separation is a necessary practice. Truth is most gallerist and/or creative directors are looking for a very particular work, style, message etc; and they all gravitate towards different works. Submissions are extremely competitive and sometimes we don’t make the cut; that’s apart of the game. The best thing about rejection is that we get to try again.
Learn from it
Another way to overcome rejection is to learn from it. Rejection doesn’t benefit us if we don’t learn from it; and that’s a problem because its designed to benefit us. If you get a rejection email and the response isn’t automated, consider reaching out, and asking for some pointers. Ask if there were some areas where you fell short? Ask if they have any tips for you going forward. At worse, they won’t respond, but you tried. If you can’t get answers from them ask yourself, “Is it something I could’ve done better?” This is a regular practice for me. Be honest with your self evaluation, but don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes it’s not our work that needs polishing; its our artist statement, bio, and/or professionalism; consider all things in your assessment. Learn from every “no,” learn to take it gracefully. Learn from every slammed door, and/or missed opportunity, you’re going to need every lesson going forward.
Keep Going
The most important tip for overcoming rejection is to Keep Going!!! At 16 I applied for a figure drawing class and was told I wasn’t good enough. At 19 my college professor told me I was too cautious and lacked creativity. At 26 I was denied art grants and exhibition entries. Now at 31 I run my own art business, doing everything ‘they’ said I wasn’t good enough for. I still get rejection emails often, but I keep going. Rejection has not come to destroy you but to guide you, to teach you and build you. It will always leave you better off than it found you. If you’ve been in a season of rejection acknowledge it, don’t take it personal, learn from it, and keep going!
